Bum Reviews 1

And now it's time for


BUM REVIEWS
with Fester M. Bum


Tonight's review:


Heaven's Trust by Bellamy-exe


OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST STORY I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE!

Long ago, in the land of- SPOILERS!

There's this boy named Jake, who lives in a world where everybody does magic!

It's kind of like Harry Potter, but without all the whining.

So this world is then invaded by aliens who look kind of like letters of the alphabet!

I always knew the alphabet was evil! Why else would Sesame Street devote entire episodes to them?

So then Jake gets a giant sword to fight off the evil alphabet letters!

All great stories have giant swords! Remember Bleach? That has giant swords in it!

Along with a great big bowl of idiocy.

So then Star Fox and Super Mario come to Jake's world, and they're like:

"We need you to stop the alphabet from taking over the universe!"

And Jake's like:

"Can't I save my world first?"

"Nah, we'll just leave them on a planet being overrun by unstoppable aliens. They'll be fine."

"Oh okay."

So they travel all around the galaxy, and then it turns out that all of the Nintendo bad guys are working together!

They've got Bowser, King K. Rool, Giovanni, and a giant penguin!

I'm deathly scared of penguins!

Why did Nickelodeon have to give those black-and-white demons their own show!?

PENGUIIIIIINS!!!

Boy, I have issues.

So Jake finds out he has to stick his sword into a crack to save each planet!

...Nah, I'm not gonna make that joke.

So soon he gets up to the evil wizard, and he's like:

"I will turn into a monster and destroy you!"

And then Jake just slices him and he dies.

What a rip-off!

But then it turns out that an even bigger, eviler wizard was planning this all from the start!

Dun dun dun!

So they all go to the minus world to fight the giant wizard!

Haah! Hooo! Hwaah!

So Jake kills the wizard, the evil alphabet goes away, and then everyone lives happily ever after!

Hooray!

So I really liked this story, even though it was filled with scary letters and penguins and wizards!

I'm gonna have a lot of trouble sleeping tonight....

Anyone know a brightly lit box I can crash in?

This is the bum, saying.... CHANGE!? YOU GOT CHANGE!? AW, COME ON! HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA!? COME ON, CHANGE!

Come on, I need to buy a sword! That evil alphabet could sneak up on me anytime!