Idiotic Episodes 26

MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC
Dragon Quest


Happy New Year everyone, and welcome to another Idiotic Episodes! Boy, we've got a lot to look forward to this year, don't we? Avengers 2, a new Star Wars movie, Zelda and Star Fox on Wii U, Majora's Mask on 3DS, and of course a new season of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. With that in mind, I thought it time to once again start the new year by looking at an episode of this show. (boy, I have a lot of yearly traditions, don't I? Hell, I'm gonna be getting another one in March!) And just like other times I've looked at it, we're going to be ripping into another episode by Merriwhether Williams, whom I still believe to be this show's worst writer. She was a good writer once, having worked on the writing staff of the first three seasons of Spongebob Squarepants (in other words, the good stuff), but somewhere along the way she seems to have forgotten everything she learned, preferring just to get her stuff done on time, quality be damned. Thankfully she only wrote one episode during season 4, and also thankfully it was a good one. ("Bats!", before anyone asks.)

So, what's wrong with today's episode? Well, it's got bad continuity, pointless characters, a disappointing plot, out-of-character behavior that's nedlessly mean. In other words, all of her usual tropes. Oh, and a title that has nothing to do with the video game of the same name. It is also, in my own personal opinion, one of the most disappointing episodes of the show I've ever seen, beaten only by "The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well" and "Power Ponies." (someday...) So without further stalling for time, let's fly like a dragon into "Dragon Quest."

We open on Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash trying to get Fluttershy to watch Dragons migrate with them. Fluttershy is reluctant to do so because of her fear of dragons, which I thought she got over when she stood up to one back in the episode "Dragonshy..." (trust me, this is only the beginning of the bad continuity we'll see in this episode!)

"Rainbow Dash: Look Fluttershy, I watched that boring butterfly migration with you. So now it's your turn to watch the dragon migration with me. You owe me!"

Well, that's actually a good point. Maybe Fluttershy will get over her fear to be nice to her friend.

"Fluttershy: I... said... NO! *pounces on Rainbow Dash, then jumps out window*"

Or maybe she'll just do that. My personal head-canon is that Fluttershy saw Merriwhether Williams' name attached to this episode and wanted out as quickly as possible.

Oh, by the way, this intro has no bearing on anything else that happens in this story. Fluttershy is never seen again, nor is she even mentioned. It was just a lazy way to set up one part of the story while also padding things out. Kind of like everything else we'll see here...

After the theme song, we see Twilight and some of her friends in a trench wearing camo (there's a Friendship is Witchcraft joke in here somewhere...), as they wait for the dragons to appear.

"Twilight Sparkle: We're just a little early, and I'm glad we are. This way we can watch every moment of the migration without drawing any unwanted attention to ourselves."

And 3, 2-

"Rarity: Yoo-hoo!"

Oh, she's early! Our fashion-minded friend Rarity comes over to the trench on a red carpet wearing some kind of purple and yellow dress, much to the annoyance of her friends.

"Rarity: Am I the toast of the trench or what?

Applejack: You'll be toast alright, when the dragons see you paradin' around in that getup!

Rarity: I look fabulous! Who says camoflauge has to be drab?"

Wonder Woman: In battle they'd be slaughtered instantly.

The dragons soon come and everypony is amazed at the sight. That is, until their baby dragon friend Spike comes along with tea and cookies, which causes them to start mocking him.

"Rainbow Dash: *laughs* Yeah right Spike! That's one of the scariest aprons I've ever seen!

*everyone starts to laugh*

Spike: What's wrong with wearing an apron? You won't be laughing when you spill blueberries all over YOUR scales... feathers. That's one tough stain!

Rainbow Dash: One tough stain against one LAME dragon! *laughs*"

And then Spike took the tea and cookies back, showed Rainbow Dash his favorite finger, and went home. Oh wait, that's what SHOULD have happened. No, we get to hear even more blows to his already hurt ego.

"Rarity: You leave him alone, Rainbow Dash! Spike's style is unique, he doesn't have to look like other dragons!

Twilight Sparkle: Or act like them!

Spike: I don't act like other dragons?

Pinkie Pie: Oh, not even close!

Applejack: But why would you want to Spike?"

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED INTO THE PONY COLLECTIVE.

After that bit of being needlessly condescending to their friend, we cut to Twilight's home, the Golden Oaks library (a name that they never say on-screen, BTW...), where Spike is up late pondering his identity.

"Spike: What am I? Where am I from? Who am I supposed to be?"

Didn't you hear your friends earlier? You're supposed to be someone who makes tea and cookies for everyone while taking their verbal abuse! ...Kind of messed up, isn't it?

"Twilight Sparkle: For the last time Spike, you were given to me as an egg. I don't know who found you or where they found you."

Hmm, so it seems Merriwhether Williams HAS seen other episodes of the show, as this was part of Twilight Sparkle's backstory revealed in "The Cutie Mark Chronicles." Remember this, as it will be a big part of Williams' laziness as a writer.

And we see that in the next part, as Twilight decides to help Spike by doing some late-night research on dragons. What do they find out? Oh, this is a doozy...

"Twilight Sparkle: Nothing... Nothing in this one either...

Spike: Nothing at all about dragons!? This is getting ridiculous!

Twilight Sparkle: I know! It's hard to believe, but ponies know next to nothing about dragons!"

Except their migration patterns, what they eat, that they release smoke while snoring, that they grow larger when they become too greedy...

Yeah, starting to see the problem here? They say ponies know nothing about dragons, yet we see them going to the trouble of digging a trench in advance so they can see dragons flying over, so someone would have to have known this! I know I keep blaming Williams for this, so why couldn't Lauren Faust, who was still showrunner at the time, give some advice to her about filling in this gigantic plot-hole?

Then again, Lauren Faust did give us this...

Bendy: By the way, this is YOUR toothbrush! *laughs*

Yeah, I put nothing by her.

Well, with no knowledge to be found at the library, Spike decides to go on a quest to find where he truly belongs by joining the dragon migration. (Oh, it's a dragon going on a quest! NOW I get the title! XP) Rainbow Dash and Rarity protest this (what, NOW you care about him?), but Twilight lets Spike go anyway, the three ponies deciding to follow Spike in secret.

After a short montage of Spike following the dragons while we hear music that sounds like it was stolen from Avatar: the Last Airbender, Spike finally catches up with them at the top of a volcano. He's afraid at first, until he sees some teenage dragons goofing around and decides to hang with them. So, what, nobody brought any baby dragons with them? Are dragons like turtles where they just leave their eggs somewhere so the babies can find their own way home? Maybe being a pony is better...

Speaking of, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity come to the volcano's mouth themselves, wearing a super cheap-looking dragon costume.

"Rainbow Dash: I'm telling you, we'll never pass for a real dragon!

Rarity: Oh pish-posh, this costume is fabulous! One of my finer creations!"

So let me get this straight. Rarity, a FASHION DESIGNER, can't make a more convincing dragon costume? I've seen better stuff at Spencer's Gifts!

Spike introduces himself to the teenage dragons, who immediately poke fun at him. (Wow, insulted by ponies AND his own kind. Spike just can't catch a break...)

"red dragon: Well if you weren't just hatched, how come we haven't seen you around before?

Spike: Oh, well, you see, I live in Ponyville, and I um...

red dragon: Ha ha ha, Ponyville? That explains it, I knew there was something vaguely ponyish about you!"

Oh, so dragons are racist. That's nice.

Spike tries to prove himself to the other teenagers, so he engages in a bunch of contests with them, which consist of belching, tail-wrestling, diving into lava, and king of the hill. In other words, its become every college movie you've ever seen.

This is the big reason why this episode was a disappointment for me. When I heard that Spike was going to be looking for other dragons, I thought maybe it meant he was gonna get some clues about his birth parents, perhaps lead to an internal struggle about who his true family is. Instead I got Animal House with dragons. (and no, that's not as awesome as it sounds) Missed opportunity there, Williams...

So after several minutes of Spike trying to wow his fellow dragons, they finally accept him, allowing him to join them on a raid. (I do mean several minutes, by the way. I just summarized an entire third of the episode in one sentence...) The teen dragons wish to steal a nest of phoenix eggs, which Spike is reluctant to do until they drag him into it, while Twilight and her friends have to follow them on foot, or, I guess hoof. Yeah, I haven't been talking about Twilight and her friends much since they arrived at the volcano. I'll get to why later...

At the nest, Spike distracts the phoenix parents while the other dragons attempt to grab the eggs, only to find out they've already hatched. (hey, here's a thought: why would an immortal creature need to have children?) The dragons' new plan?

"red dragon: We take the hatchlings of course!"

My Little Pony: a FAMILY picture!

Well it seems that the hatchlings are smart enough to get away from the dragons, so they rejoin their parents while the father uses Flash, causing the dragons to lose accuracy and crash into a tree. During this, an unhatched phoenix egg falls into Spike's claws, which impresses the other dragons.

"red dragon: Nice going Spike!

brown dragon: Well what are you waiting for? Smash it!

Spike: Smash the egg?

brown dragon: Yeah!"

The dragons pile on the peer pressure, but Spike can't bring himself to do it.

"Spike: No! It's just a defenseless egg, like I was! And I'm not gonna let you hurt it!

red dragon: What did you say?

Spike: I said no!

red dragon: No-one says no to me!"

Iron Will: No means no, huh? Nopony's ever said that to me before...

Why does this stuff keep showing up in Williams' writing?...

But Twilight and her friends come in to save the day... or not, as they all instantly run away from the dragons until Twilight teleports them somewhere else.

And that's it. That is all Twilight and her friends contribute to this episode. Everything where they're in the dragon costume was completely pointless, they were just there to react to all the stuff the dragons were doing. If you cut all that out the episode wouldn't change at all and the extra time could have been spent filling in plot-holes. I know this show is called "My Little PONY," but if you want to tell a story about dragons, just do it. Don't force in characters when they aren't needed! That's why near the beginning of Season 2 Celestia allowed Twilight's other friends to write to her, so they wouldn't need to shoehorn Twilight into every episode anymore!

Speaking of, back home Spike writes a letter to Princess Celestia while we see a bunch of photos of him, and the egg he saved hatches into a brand-new baby phoenix.

"Spike: Haha, hey welcome to the family Peewee! Stick with me, I've got plenty to teach you about being a pony!"

He gives the bird back to its parents off-screen. We never see any of these supposed lessons, making this episode even more pointless than it already was. Brilliant.

Well, that was disappointing. The plot is cliche'd as hell, most of the characters don't have anything to do, and the leaps in logic are long enough to cross the Grand canyon. It's a bad episode, and it's a lazy episode. But even this still wasn't as lazy as another episode Williams wrote. We'll take a look at that one day, but for now, I've got to get to work on a new year of this stuff! Until next time, this is mariomaster88, signing out!