Idiotic Episodes 42

MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC
The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000


Happy New Year everypony, and welcome to my first Idiotic Episodes for 2016! As is tradition for me, we are once again going to start the new year off by looking at an episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, because that show always gives me so much to talk about. (seriously, I haven’t even touched the show’s controversial third season yet…) Unlike most other times though, this one isn’t an episode penned by Meriwether Williams. No, we’re going back to the writer who started my little series so long ago, M. A. Larson. As I said way back in my “Roar of the White Dragon” review, he’s normally a good writer, but when he screws up he really screws up, as I saw in my very first reviewed episode, “Swarm of the Century.” Oh, and just to clarify, no, I don’t think “Swarm of the Century” is the worst episode anymore. I wrote that mostly because it was freshest in my memory at the time, but since then I’ve changed my mind somewhat. “Putting Your Hoof Down” is the worst episode of this show and always shall be.

But what if an episode isn’t necessarily bad? What if it has good elements, but is weighed down by some really bad ones? Well, that’s kind of what we have here today, a decent story with some serious problems that a little extra thinking could have solved. We’ll go into more detail about that as we ride on into “The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.” (which may just be the most glorious title I’ve ever featured in these reviews…)

We open on Fluttershy’s cottage in the wee hours of morning, where she’s woken up by Rainbow Dash who is excited for the coming of cider season as she picks her up and goes. (and yes, this is a scene where Rainbow Dash breaks into Fluttershy’s room and yanks her covers off, leaving Fluttershy embarrassed at sleeping in the nude. Just a little something for you shippers out there…)

“Fluttershy: What's the rush?

Rainbow Dash: Don't you remember what happened last year? Or the year before that? Or pretty much any cider season ever?

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie. She always ends up ahead of us in line, and then they always run out of cider!”

So Rainbow Dash’s plan is to be there bright and early before Pinkie Pie so she can drink some, but it seems that Pinkie Pie and a bunch of other ponies are already there camping out. (dudes, it’s apple cider, not Star Wars tickets!)

“Pinkie Pie: Isn't this great? I couldn't sleep last night 'cause I was so excited about cider season, and I had this brilliant idea to come down here and camp out, so I told a few others about it, and they all thought it was a great idea too, and now it's just a big old cider party! Woo-hoo!

Rainbow Dash: *growls*”

And cue the theme song. By the way, this is an Applejack-centered episode, even though nobody mentions her by name. Yeah, Rainbow Dash is little more than a running gag for this episode, making the intro completely pointless. You could make a sandwich or take a pee-break during this and not miss a thing. We’re off to a great start…

Well, after the theme song, we see a ton of ponies in line for the cider, with Rainbow Dash way in the back. Pinkie Pie buys a bunch of mugs of it, and of course dangles them in front of Rainbow Dash, not even offering to share any. I know Pinkie Pie’s supposed to be pretty naïve, but this is just stupid…

Oh, and just so nobody wonders, no it’s not clear whether or not it’s hard cider that they’re serving. I’m guessing since there’s a certain season set aside for it then maybe it’s hard, which means Pinkie Pie is getting drunk right now. A kids’ show, everyone!

Of course the Apple family runs out of cider, which displeases everypony.

“Rainbow Dash: Surprise surprise, you ran out again!

Rainbow Dash: Why can’t you make enough cider for all of us? Or, at least for me?”

Hey yeah, why wouldn’t Applejack be saving a mug of cider for one of her best friends? Does she just want her money that badly?

“Applejack: Hold on everypony, we’ve done our best to improve supply this year.

background stallion #1: You always say that!

Applejack: And it’s always true. But Apple family cider is made with love and integrity, and only the highest quality apples in Equestria.”

When did this turn into a Smucker’s jelly commercial?

Naturally they’re all dismissive of Applejack flowery BS, so they just walk off, but not before Pinkie Pie can rub it in Rainbow Dash’s face some more.

“Pinkie Pie: She’s right you know, you can’t rush perfection, and this year’s batch was perfection!

Fluttershy: Uh, Pinkie Pie?...

Pinkie Pie: I’ll never forget the cider I just drank. It was a moment in time that will never exist again. Oh…

Rainbow Dash: *growls*”

Pinkie, SHUT UP! This running gag is painful enough without you rubbing salt into it, Ms. element of Laughter!

But before Dashie can kick her pink ass to Canterlot, a strange motorized vehicle approaches.

“Applejack: What in Equestria is that!?”

We have cars now? Just what is our technology level anyway?

This machine is being driven by our antagonists for this episode, the Flim-Flam brothers, who get a nice introduction through a catchy song number.

“Flim: Well lookie what we got here brother of mine, it’s the same in every town,
ponies with thirsty throats, dry tongues, and not a drop of cider to be found.
Maybe they’re not aware that there’s really no need for this teary despair.

Flam: That the key that they need to solve the sad cider shortage you and I will share!”

These guys are awesome. They’re obvious con artists, but they’re just so charming that you really don’t care. Their voice actors, Sam Vincent and Scott McNeil, seem to have great chemistry together, which leads to a lot of funny banter between them and the Apple family. Their song number is easily the best part of this episode, though there is one lyric late in the song, sung by Applejack grandmother Granny Smith (ha ha), which kind of bugs me.

“Granny Smith: For the very most important ingredient can’t be added or done expedient,
and that’s quality-brand Apple Acres quality and care!”

Redundant-brand Apple Acres redundancy and repetitiveness! Seriously, were they just too lazy to use a thesaurus?

Well, other than that the song is pretty good, it’s even available on iTunes! What happens during it is they show off their new machine which sucks apples right off a tree and makes cider very quickly, which pleases Rainbow Dash so much she begins air-humping. (stop giving fanfic writer’s ideas!) They offer the Apple family use of their machine for 75% of the profits, which they naturally turn down.

“Flim: Hmph, very well. If you refuse our generous offer to be partners, then we’ll just have to be competitors.

Applejack: You wouldn’t dare!”

How would they dare? Don’t you guys pretty much control the apples around Ponyville? Or are you afraid of them discovering the untapped potential of smurfberries?

Well the next day the Apples are selling cider once more, and they run out again, even though the background shows that there are still plenty of apples on the trees. I don’t know, maybe those ones are still growing, but they still should not just run out in the morning and then have to wait until tomorrow to make more. Why not just keep making cider while selling it? Or maybe just limit it to one mug per customer so Pinkie doesn’t hog it all? This is not a difficult problem to solve.

Anyway, the Flim-Flams come back to sell some cider of their own, supposedly from stolen apples from the farm, and offer a mug to Rainbow Dash, but M. A. Larson decided that stupid running gag must not end, so Applejack yanks the Flim-Flams’ barrel away, knocking Dashie’s drink into the dirt.

“Applejack: You can’t sell that cider! That’s made from Apple family apples!

Rainbow Dash: *eats dirt drink spilled in* Is this some kind of cruel joke?”

Yes it is Rainbow Dash, and it’s not funny in the slightest. I know comedy is based on suffering, but you have to balance it out, otherwise it just gets frustrating.

Then again, this is the Lauren Faust era…

Bendy: By the way, this is YOUR toothbrush! *laughs*

And no, I will not give her a break on that.

“Flim: Don’t worry everypony, there are plenty of apples in Equestria.”

So the Apple family doesn’t control them all? Then how did Applejack know they stole them? This episode makes no sense!

“Flim: We’ll find some others and make more cider than all of Ponyville can drink!”

This claim causes Applejack’s younger sister Applebloom to get competitive.

“Applebloom: WE’LL make more cider than you could ever imagine!”

Han Solo: I don’t know, I can imagine quite a bit.

“Granny Smith: Now, it ain’t about the speed young ‘un, it’s about quality.

Applejack: Our cider speaks for itself!”

Okay, we get it, it’s a man vs. machine story! Can you just have the two compete so we can get this over with already!?

Applebloom gets more and more competitive with the Flim-Flams, with Granny Smith attempting to keep things calm.

“Granny Smith: Easy Applebloom, easy!

Flim: What’s the matter Granny Smith? Chicken?”

Hmm, not sure whether to reference Back to the Future Part 2 or Spaceballs…

Well it seems that Granny Smith doesn’t like being called chicken, so she challenges them.

“Granny Smith: Tomorrow mornin’, right here!

Flam: But I’m afraid we haven’t any… *spits on apple to polish it* apples.

Granny Smith: You can use our south field!”

Good idea Granny, the fruit-bats will scare them off! …Don’t ask.

“Flim: Excellent, we have a bet. Whoever produces the most barrels in one hour wins the exclusive right to sell cider in Ponyville.

Granny: And after we beat ya, I don’t ever want to see you bambahoozlers around here again!”

By “never again,” she of course meant “at least two seasons.” You can’t keep hilarious folk like them away forever!

So the next day the competition is on, and of course the Flim-Flams have a competitive edge with their machine, making three times as many barrels as the Apples. Things look bleak for them, until Twilight sparkle gets an idea…

“Twilight Sparkle: Um, Miss Mayor, are honorary family members allowed to help in the competition?

Mayor: Well, I’m not sure…

Flam: We don’t care if the whole kingdom of Canterlot helps! It’s a lost cause.

Applejack: I think I’d love to have the rest of my family helpin’ out.

Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, & Rarity: Alright!”

Applejack: But none o’ y’all get any cider for helpin’!

Rainbow Dash: DAMMIT!

Oh, what? You know Larson would’ve put that in if he thought of it.

So with the extra help the Apples are back in the game, forcing the Flim-Flams to cheat by making the machine less discerning between good and bad apples. (who designed this machine anyway, Willy Wonka?) And with that the Flim-Flams win by a landslide.

“Flim: Aww, too bad Apples!

Flam: Guess you’ll just have to find a new line of work that doesn’t match your names quite so perfectly.”

There’s some interesting questions raised, can a pony get a job that has nothing to do with their name or cutie mark? What if someone’s named Applesauce and then they get a cutie mark of an orange? Can a pony break away from what their cutie mark tells them? So many questions, so little time…

So after Flim and Flam do the Beavis and Butthead laugh and the Apples get ready to leave, the Flim-Flams’ cider is now on sale. Unfortunately, because they didn’t filter out the bad apples, it tastes awful.

“background mare #1: Ugh, I can’t get the taste off my tongue!

background mare #2: Mine’s got rocks in it!

background stallion #2: I wouldn’t pay one bit for this dreck!”

I just noticed that those first two are the same ponies Fluttershy dumped garbage on in “Putting Your Hoof Down.” So they’ve dealt with gross stuff two times now…

“Flam: You wouldn’t pay even one cent?”

I’d imagine not, sine their form is currency is called bits, not cents…

Well since they can’t sell their product now (um, they’ve proven that they can keep up with demand. Why not just make the machine discern between bad and good again?), the Flim-Flams immediately pack up and leave, the Apples happy to have their farm back. And as per usual for the early episodes, we end with a letter to Princess Celestia. Here it is…

“Applejack: Dear Princess Celestia, I wanted to share my thoughts with you. *clears throat* I didn’t learn anything! Hoo, I was right all along! If you take your time to do things the right way, your work will speak for itself! Sure I could tell you I learned somethin’ about how my friends are always there to help me, and I can count on them no matter what, but truth is, I knew that already too.”

Yep, that’s right, the episode itself just admitted that it was completely pointless! It’s not often when something I’m critiquing decides to give me a break and do my job for me!

So that was “The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000,” and it… was watchable. Definitely not on the same level as stuff like “Arnold Betrays Iggy” or “Everyone Knows It’s Bendy.” The Flim-Flams are a lot of fun, and its message is decent, but there are still a lot of problems with this. The story is very cliché, the pacing is kind of slow, and the running gag of Rainbow Dash not getting any cider is infuriating and makes her friends look like selfish jerks for not saving her any. If you want a better man vs. machine story, I suggest you look up the Disney short John Henry. It keeps its musical parts nearly all the way through, there’s no stupid running gags, and it has much more emotion for its characters. This episode though? It has good elements, but they’re brought down by all the bad ones, leaving us with an apple-shaped diamond in the rough.

Well that’s it for this month. Until next time, this is mariomaster88, signing out!